Lip Crumbs

Steel Reserve
Triple Export.

This is the beer I buy every day when I finish with work
Why?
Well, I have a few reasons.
One being that it's insanely cheap
$1+change for 24 ounces of beer.
Two being that's conveniently located right next to my job
Three being I don't have a local bar to goto
And lastly, because at some point I figure they'll get used to be being there
So they'll stop asking me for ID.

Don't get me wrong, I'm insanely flattered to show my ID.
It's something I looked forward to for roughly 6 years.

But why bring up the subject of beers?
No real reason.
I drink beer because it calms my body after walking around so much
From the train, back to the train, onto another train, yada yada and so forth.
It's like
Instant sleeping pill
Only, it doesn't hurt my through
Or threaten to injure small children.

I find it funny that giving small children beer is a natural thing.
There's something to be said about that.
I don't know what
But there's something to be said.

I think what I mean to say today is that
Find what you do to relax yourself
Whether it be in cheap beers
Or counting ceiling tiles
Because life gets hard
And it never gets easier.
You just have to learn to deal with it in your own way.
Not saying that alcoholism is that way
But to each his own.

Perhaps I should make one thing clear about this blog
It's on my conscience, ergo, I must say it.
I have no intention of telling or showing anyone how to do anything
It's simply a personal discovery of my own intellectual morals
Through my (mostly) daily writings, I hope to find lessons and morals to live by.
Pointing out the bad, reveling in the good
It's all a part of the deal.
When everything is said and done
I go to sleep each night feeling like I learned something new.
And that, is a feeling that you can't find just anywhere.

Now, as I digress into inaudible slurs
It's probably about time that I goto sleep.
Because I have to work tomorrow
And I want my cheap beer.

Airate.

So
What do we discuss this time?
And yes, I do say "we"
Not because I'm talking to anyone specifically
But more of...a collective "we"
I'm not entirely sure if that includes my conscience
Or maybe I do have a voice in my head
Perhaps I suffer from schizophrenia.
I doubt it though.

But
What is schizophrenia really?
I've always understood it to be
The condition in which
You listen and/or talk to voices in your head
That aren't necessarily yours.
But if they're in -your- head
Why aren't they yours?
Because they don't sound like you?
What? You can't change the pitch of your own voice?
I mean really now.
As long as you can perceive the sound
you can create it.
If you were hearing frequencies that only dogs can hear
well...then you'd probably be a dog.

Conversing with these voices is considered insane
Again, when you could just be talking to yourself
And if you are
What's wrong with that?
I happen to think I'm a rather amusing person.
Even if no one else happens to think so at the time.
Who else do you really have to rely on in troubled times?
Yourself?
Yet, it's considered insane.
Who else thinks about the exact same things that you do?
No one?
Yourself?
Yet, it's considered insane.

It's been said that Christians are schizophrenic because they talk to "God"
"God" being an formless entity that "tells them what to do"
Or at least gives them a sense that someone is listening.
Is that true?
Are Christians really schizophrenic?
Or are they tuned with supernatural?
Or are they really just talking to themselves and finding solace?
No one really knows.
Who is to say that they know?
I bet they asked themselves about it.

Can you really label someone as schizophrenic if you have to ask yourself about their condition?
And if you don't ask yourself, can you really trust someone else's opinions?
People can be wrong, you know.
People are often wrong.
So again, I must ask

...is it wrong to talk to yourself?

Kist onme Mingg

I have issues.

Piganosis.

I have no topic for the day.
I would apologize
But no one really cares that much.

So lets see.
Today I went the Decatur Arts Festival...in Decatur.
I don't know what to tell you
It had people...selling art.
That's about it.
Oh, and funnel cakes.
Everyone loves funnel cakes, right?
You know what sucks though?
When you can't afford a funnel cake.

Have you ever been that kid?
I have.
You know, the one who sits watching everyone else eat?
But if you ask them about it, they tend to shy away from the question?
It's not because I don't want your food
It's because I don't want to look poor.
Being poor is depressing on it's own
Having other people -know- you're poor?
Well that's just downright terrible.
Perhaps, I have too much pride
Which I'm told is the downfall of many a man
Perhaps I just don't accept charity
Why the hell would I not?
I must be strange.
Whatever the case is
If you find a kid alone with no food
Just leave something there
They'll eat it if they're hungry
But probably not while you're staring them in the face.
...it's kinda rude.
Trust me, they're more than grateful for it.

I perpetually feel indebted to people
Anytime someone does something for me
I must do something in return
I think I have a guilty conscience.
Scratch that, I know I have a damn guilty conscience
That's the only kind of conscience I've ever known.
That can be taken any way you'd like to take it.
I've spent majority of my life trying to atone for each stupid mistake I make
And it's never enough
...never.

Sometimes I wonder if God himself could absolve me of these feelings.
Then again, I wonder a lot of things about God.
But that sounds like a topic
Which I don't have
Therefore, I cannot write about it today.

So exactly what is the lesson that I've learned for the day?
Feed the poor?
Give to the needy?
Learn to spend money wisely?
I have no idea.

...what if...
I have learned anything at all?
...is that even possible?
No?
Didn't think so.
Goodnight.

Snargalico.

While searching through my bloglines - the online equivalent of a collective newspaper/magazine collage - I came across this comic strip from

Least I Could Do

And I must say
That is pure genius.

Really now
Let's think about that one for a second.

Enlightenment, the purpose of life in some religions and philosophies.
The ultimate state of being
Realizing your potential and living in harmony with life and it's fullness.
Clear conscience, clear mind and sound body
...is achieved through erection.

Now, at first I thought that was just plain ridiculous
What a witty joke!
But is it really that far off?

In the bottomless depth that is sexuality
We find our most primal beings
The urge to dominate, or be dominated
The sinful and angelic pleasures of the body and mind
No inhibitions
No cloudiness of thought
...Unless of course, you're doing something wrong
In which case you should study
Tantric Sex
(and no, it's not just for celebrities and hippies)

We find out who we are
We lose ourselves and where we are
We lose sight of things we "should" or "have to" do
It is pure...existence.
Existence guided toward pleasure
But existence nonetheless
(I mean, whats the point in living if you don't enjoy it anyway
...then again, don't take that the wrong way, life is always worth living)

I know when I have an erection
(which of course, is all the time according to the male stereotype)
everything I -was- thinking about is not there anymore
Nor is there any dire concern for the future
I, like many, get caught up in fantasies
Or sometimes in the sheer pleasure of arousal.

Now, while this may be considered a "leap" for some
I think that it actually holds merit.
I'm not saying the key to enlightenment is wanking it every chance you get
But there is something to be said about a connection between
Life, Sexuality and Spirituality.

As I'm sure most could come to that conclusion on their own
Few bother to pursue the depths.
Sexuality is important in human life
By whatever deity or force of nature caused us to exist
We were given the capacity to enjoy Sex immensely.
Surely, there is a reason or a cause for that.


...Also...ejaculation is just so goddamn relieving.

Grue.

You know
People say writers should write something everyday
No matter what the circumstances.
Lucky for me I'm not a writer.

Yet, that never seems to absolve (my word of the day. No seriously, I just looked this up on the Merriam-Webster website just to make sure I was using it right) me from a nagging urge to do so.
I'm not a particularly gifted writer in any sort of fashion
Hell, I don't even like writing comments when I do (edit: used to do) coding.
Often I forgot what it is that I'm talking about or why I even began talking about it.
Some people may consider this a flaw, I consider it entertainment.
I only manage to surpass my inanity when inebriated.

Again, writers are supposed to write everyday
musicians are supposed to play the instrument everyday
Professionals are supposed to err...be professional everyday.
Is that even possible?
I mean, maybe I am lazy...well, actually, there's no maybe involved, I -am- lazy.
I do try to practice things on the daily
But I'm not sure my body permits that kind of behavior.
Change is important, right?
Then again, so is stability.

Or maybe, people just say that because no one actually does anything all the time
But the implication of guilt is there.
That's...needlessly clever.

I suppose the lesson of the day is that
While you may not participate in your certain activity daily
You do think about it
And in doing so, make yourself do it more often.

For me, it's playing guitar.
I try to play most days, even if I can't play well.
For you, it may be eating carrots with peanut butter and ketchup.
Hey, I don't judge.

Whatever it is, there's a bit of some sort of perfectionist in us all...sort of.

------------------

I'd like to post a quotation that may or may not have anything to do with what is written above
I just think it's insanely clever
Or maybe it isn't I'm looking too much into it.

These words are from a friend of mine, given to him by his martial arts teacher
(There, I have given appropriate credit where it's due, I don't know names, just sources.)

"There are only 2 important parts of a person's life;
When they are born
and when they find out what they were born to do.
After that, life becomes easier."

...I think, I'm pretty sure I misquoted. Oh well.
At least I still have my health.

Biggledorp.

Good Morning
Good Afternoon
Good Night.

Seemed like an appropriate start at the time.
Maybe not so much now.

I decided to delete (read: scrap) my last entry
It really didn't have a point.
That's not to say that all my future entries have points
Oh no, far from it, I hope.
I just didn't like looking at it.

People are individual perfectionists.
That may be an overstatement, but it's true to at least some extent.
Even the biggest slackers finish things to a certain degree.
For example:

Homeless people sleep on benches or on the ground or in a box
Whatever happens to be the most convenient at the time, right?
Or is it?
Is it that it's convenient or that it will provide shelter for the night?
Is it that it's convenient or that it's near other people?
Is it that it's convenient or is it far away from the local authorities?
Whatever the case may be, it's always thought out
And isn't finished until the scenario is solved.

A light example, of course.
But all I meant to do was point out that people tend not to show things they don't approve of themselves.
And people can be very rigid.
Writers, for example.
While they create works of art through words and imagery
It's not for the worlds eye until they say it is.

Why is this?
Is it pride?
Is it foolishness?
Or is that people are ultimately insecure about their existence?

I have the same problems everyone else does
I wake up every morning and complete the morning (or afternoon, in some cases) rituals
Bathing, Cleaning, Prepping, Primping, Combing, etc.
All the things that people do before they leave the house.
Donning a sort of "mask" I suppose.
Can't ever show the complete you, can you?
But in doing these actions, are you not in fact showing the complete you?
Since we spend so much time each day preparing to show things to other people
Isn't that who we are?

A woman that wears makeup isn't necessarily trying to hide anything on her face
She might just be a makeup-wearing woman
That's who she is
That's what she does.
She is a complete person.

Alas, it seems once again I have forgotten the purpose of todays entry.
It seems I have failed my ritualistic perfection check of the day.
Oh how will I live this down?