It's early morning
I rise early, yes
But rarely this early.

I mean
Yes this post is at 7:30 in the morning
but I've been up since about 5.

I know why this is
But it doesn't stop me from being up.

I have things I need to do
I have things that are getting complex
and complex things irk me.

That, and I haven't really been online much recently
There are lots of news articles and whatnot
for me to catch up on.

Why?
Because there's no need for me to be online
I'm not that connected to any online community anymore.

Truthfully I'm not really connected to any community.

That's not to say I don't have contacts and acquaintances
I just get to them in due time.

but who cares, really?
Which is the point I suppose.
I think to some degree we all feel the need to justify our whereabouts
Even if we're speaking to no one in particular.

We want to feel like we belong
That somewhere out there in the world someone is listening
Or watching

Yet at the same time
I would feel incredibly creeped out if I thought someone was watching my every move.

Then again I suppose that's what they created Twitter for.
(Incidentally, yes I am on twitter.)

Sure, you can choose to tell everyone that you're taking a shit
Or buying groceries
Or flinging a hamster off a bridge
Or giving yourself a stranger
or any variety of other things

And people can choose to listen and respond
Or they can just ignore your shit and move on with their lives.
(The latter option is a very common response)

How is it that we can want to express almost every part of our lives
And still feel weirded out about doing it?

Who would create something like that?

It's like...with sex.
We all want to do it
It feels good and natural
But there are so many drawbacks
Like
Inherent flaws
in people.

You can be really kind to your neighbors
but a complete dick to your waiter
or retail associate.

my inevitable conclusion
is that people don't make any fucking sense.
They never have
and probably never will.

I suppose it's one of many things
that makes humans separate from the rest of the functional world
But I mean
Why?

Why are people like this?
Why are people so...people?
How can we be so brilliant and so incredibly fucked up?
So lucky and full of potential, yet so incredibly naive and ignorant?

Who the fuck would create something like that?

I don't know
I'm ranting.
I apologize.

My thoughts are scattered today.
Once again I find myself waiting
But in this waiting I am forced to dwell on my thoughts.

I have not taken pen to paper in a while
Nor have I finished changing my guitar strings
So I have some anxiety built up.
Some sense of accomplishment that's gone unfulfilled
And yes, it is frustrating.

I have also neglected cleaning
Which I should probably be doing instead of writing this post
But no post is unneeded.

...(U(*@#URJH!I@!@$O(!@& U)*(JI

...Fin.

Trek

Changes come.
Keep your dignity
Take the high road
Take it like a man.

Momma said like the rain
(This too will pass)
Like a kidney stone
(This too will pass)
It's just a broken heart, son
This pain will pass away.

- Puscifer - "Momma Sed"


I am quite aware this is the 2nd time in a row that I've used a song quote to begin my entry
If you don't like it
Suck it.
Plain and simple.

Music Lyrics are inspirational
They say so much
They can mean one thing at one time
and something completely different the next.
If you so choose to interpret them that way.

But why this lyric?
Why today?
I don't know.
I was listening to bands that involved Maynard James Keenan
(Tool, APC, Puscifer)
and while still realizing the genius of his music
and by genius I mean things that I'm only able to understand I as I progressively age
I come across lyrics that stick out

I find these lyrics quite often
In songs that I really like.
Some songs are all about the melody and beat
and some are about the words and the message
I don't consider myself to be all that deep
I have a terrible time writing
I lack eloquence.

For example
(Also from Puscifer)

"It's always gonna be sour grapes with you boy, until you get right with Jesus"
-Puscifer, "Sour Grapes"

...I have no idea what that song is about
I just like that line
I like the fact that it sounds like there's a huge choir in the background cosigning on everything he says.

or perhaps in this lyric

"Shaking like a pistol in an young man's hand, there in the pale moonlight"
-Justin Townes Earle, "Lone Pine Hill"

I could go on and on and on
But I forgot what I was talking about.

I really did forgot.
Like, completely.
I'm considering erasing all this writing and starting over
but I feel like that's a waste
and I'm extremely lazy
Even though all it really takes is hitting CTRL + A, Backspace.
You could do that by accident.
That would be a shame.

Especially if you're writing something really good
like a song or an essay
and you get careless
so you hit a series of buttons
and Bink
it's gone.
And you're left starting at a blinking cursor.


...I hate that blinking cursor
It haunts you
Taunts you
teases you
torments you
write something
oh wait, you can't, can you.
Like it's...better than you.

why does it exist?
Everytime you go to write something
it's there
starting you in the face.
mocking you.

Unless, of course
You have your ideas in order before you open it.
Like
a simple line
a simple lyric
a simple sentence, hell, a sentence fragment.

Then you begin to expand
You write
You blossom

Fuck you blinking cursor!
I am victoriou.

(Did that on purpose...long story...text based game...)

What was I saying?
I don't know.
Don't let the blinking cursor win.
A little part of you will die inside.

Ecco Domani

I sit here, listening to Delerium.
A group with similar sounds to that of Enigma
Trust me, you know who Enigma is, everyone does.
Even if you don't think you do, you do.

Why am I listening to Delerium?
Well, I like the name.
It's really that simple.
Enigma, Delerium, Fountains of Wayne
Along with various other artists
I just like the way they sound
They're...unusual.

Given the music of today is different, artists should have different names as well.
Not to say that music by Joe Smith (if there actually is an artist named Joe Smith)
Would be ordinary
I just probably wouldn't pick it up.
Or maybe I would, out of a sort of irony.
Yes, I'm sure I'm not using that word correctly, or maybe I am
I don't particularly care.
Joe Smith has got to be one of the most super-unabnormal names in the world
But the music might be phenomenal
Or maybe it wouldn't be phenomenal at all
It could be extremely ordinary
Very mainstream rock music with a solo and loud drums.
Who knows.
Whatever the case is, I bet someone would listen to it.
It might even be me.

Wait, where was I?
Oh yes, Delerium.
In my quest to expand my horizons
(Given my Zodiac sign)

Wait just one second please.
I accidently hit a series of buttons on this keyboard
Now my font is extra large
My screen is messed up
And I'm listening to the kind of music that you see
Either in movies with people exploring caves
or really, really sensual sex.
(Is there a connection there?)
Is this a surreal experience?
Or is it just unusual?

Do I want it to be surreal
or just unusual?
That, is the grand question.
We often seek...things that are out of our "norms"
Yes, we all have norms.
You can't avoid them
Hell, avoiding them might be part of your norm.
It's usually part of mine.
But why?
Why is it so important to do things that we don't "normally" do
Do we feel stifled?
Do we feel uncomfortable?
Unfulfilled?
Uncreative?
Typical?

What is this strange desire to be different?
It's...compulsory
I can...no I -must- be different.
I am not like everyone else.
Everyone else is not me.
I can't be.
I won't be.
I refuse to be...normal.

...but isn't that normal itself?
This is one nasty cycle, if I do say so myself.
And I do, because I can.

Delerium
A play on words, if you will.
A mockery...or "creative" spelling of the "normal" word
Delirium.
A frenzied excitement,
The steady decrease in the ability to give full attention or focus.

...I think we all suffer from that at some point or another.
Apparently, this is a serious medical condition.
It seems we're all in trouble.
Because we can't focus
We won't focus
We don't focus...on being normal
On being ordinary
On being...the same.

Are we wrong for it?
No.
If we were all the same, then who would we be?
Copies.
There's no individuality in that
No living
No sense of being.
No sense of right and wrong
No truth, no lies
No...core.

...I can't live like that
Neither can you
So we strive to be different.
Whether it's through music
Art
Food
Writing
Sleeping
Sex
Bullshitting
Or whatever it is that you may "excel" at.
It's really just you wanting to be different
to be heard
to be noticed
to be known
for not being the same
being unconventional
being...interesting.

Embrace this
and find
that you are different.

Live on
and be.

Just be.