29.9.08

Sexuality (1 of ∞)

Cleaning off my glasses for the umpteenth time today
(you know, I really thought I'd get a red squiggly line under that word
Apparently "umpteenth" counts as a proper english word now
Yet, "english" without a capital E gets squiggled
There's some sort of irony in that, I'm sure.)

Anyway
I've decided to step my foot into this large discussion pool
known only as
Sexuality.

This is going to be a long series of analysis on every type of sexuality I can fathom.
From Gender, to Preference, to Fetish to Practices to whatever else I can imagine.
The problem is
Like I said
This is a -huge- subject
And I'm sure I'll get distracted
So forgive me.

I hesitated on doing this for a long time
Simply because I wasn't sure I had the capability of discussing it properly
I'm going to try and pick one subject a day and just focus on that
I make no promises though
I'm not very good at keeping track of things.
Also
I think it would help if I put them in no specific order
Rather, I will add tags to them so they can be viewed together
Because much like a sex drive
My thoughts can be triggered by different things on different days.

Again I still hesitate because I'm concerned about my internet mask
I don't know why
Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, correct?
Yet, it never seems that way.
I wonder why that is.
People are so biased
so...
not what they claim to be.
But
I think there comes a time in your life when you realize
You just have to do things for yourself.
I'm sure I've said this already
But it's one thing to say something and another to follow it, yes?
Practice what you preach, yes?
(Yes, I know many clichés)
(You'll live)
Anyway.
I've digressed long enough.
Without further to do
(Yes, I know it's ado, but they once said it like that on Rugrats and I thought it was hilarious)
(Not adieu like people think..."Without further goodbye?" wtf.)

---
Section 1 - Sexuality
----
Sex
The Emotional, Physical, Carnal, Sensual, Mental jumble
That people do incredibly terrible and wonderful things to get.
Why is it so?
What makes it so fantastic?
I do not know.
I myself am a victim of such pain and pleasure
Such ignorance and knowledge
Such fulfillment and absence
I just wish to analyze.

The world is separated into two "genders"
Two "roles" if you will
That of the Dominant (Male) and that of the Submissive (Female)
(In traditional literature anyway.)
The union of Male and Female in sexual intercourse
The penetration of the (male, dominant) Penis
(Dick, Cock, Meat Weasel, Pickle, Schlong, Dong, or whatever else you think of)
Into the (woman, submissive) Vagina
(snatch, sheath, taco, pussy, cooch, vagoo, oh the world is full of euphemisms)
Is one of the most sought after things in our society
...by the Heterosexual population.
(or at least that's what they want you to think)

Which brings me to this point
Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Transsexual, Asexual, Trisexual(?)
What to they all mean?
Well
I'll examine them later.
Each one in turn
They deserve it.

Today, we'll keep it at introductions and paraphrasing.

There are an insane amount of nerve endings in the reproductive organs
So much that when they are all stimulated
Orgasm occurs.
Orgasms manifest themselves in different ways in different people
But for the most part it's pretty simple to identify them.
In most males it's simply Ejaculation.
And the releasing of the bodily fluid known as Sperm
(In 99% of porno known as Cum)
In women, well, that's usually signified when the whole body seizes up
Everything becomes tightened
And there's a moment of ultimate, unrestrained release
Which may or may not include projecting bodily fluids
This, simply put, is known as Orgasm.

Orgasms are the...well
They're quite possibly one of the best things in existence.
Some might go so far as to say
It is the best thing in existence.
Really, think about it
Whether you masturbate
Or orgasm though intercourse
(of any sort)
It's the full on release of everything that you are.
The world around you no longer exists in that one brief moment
You are one with the entire universe
Yet you are nothing
It's perplexing
Yet quite possibly the highest form of enlightenment
It's serene
Calming
Embracing
Dangerous
Exciting
Happy
Joy
Adrenaline
Pure

Honestly, there are no words to describe it
Only the feelings that surround it
In itself orgasm is religious, sacrilegious, sacred and public.
It's holy and demonic
It's heaven and hell
It's pleasure and pain
It's sin and redemption.

Pure Sexual Desire
Pure Flesh
Pure Will
Pure Life.

It's two sides of the same coin
It's irresistible
Just out of reach
Coveted

It shows you life
it gives meaning (sometimes)
It embraces
And then you shudder.

I say this because it's important to understand why it's so sought after
It's the closest thing to immortality that we have
The closest thing to God
The closest thing to Purity.
The closest thing to...the self.

It's important to know why people do the things they do
For release
And I mean all people
Teenagers, Newlyweds, Married Couples, Friends, Friends with "benefits"
People, One Night Stands, Hookers, Pedophiles, Dendrophiles, Necrophiles
(For full list of fetishes, look at wikipedia, I don't have enough space for that)
They all have a base in orgasm

While the motivation may be different
The objective is still the same
Bliss.

People will trade in their entire universe for one sweet moment of pure bliss.
And that's what orgasm gives
Bliss.
Pure Bliss.

Is it worth it?
Absolutely.
Any single person in the world that gives their body half the chance
To give in to it's sexual desires will find themselves fulfilled in ways they never knew they could.
And that's what makes it so dangerous
So taboo
So...secret.

That in itself is exciting.
Most people spend their entire lives hiding from the world
Hiding their own sexual desires
Hiding
Waiting
Lurking
Hoping for the moment that they can reach ultimate bliss.

Like I said, people will give away their whole universe for a moment of bliss.

Now, is it wrong?
That's the question many people ask
And no one has that answer but you.
Are you wrong to want to Orgasm?
Are you wrong for wanting to Orgasm a certain way?

Because
If you hold back
Are you really truly letting go?
Are you really getting to point that you should?
Are you achieving...bliss?

That's up to you.

Sex is a powerful thing.

22.9.08

Differences.

My girlfriend asked the question
Yes, that question
"If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?"
I find this question to be surprisingly common
Because people aren't happy with their own lives
They always want more
Something else
Something better
Something...new

Whether it's to be the strongest
The fastest
The most clever
the least likely to get caught
or the most bad-ass motherfucker around.

And yet
I have no answer.
Not to say that I wouldn't like to have any superpower at all
Rather, I think of the repercussions of each decision.

I'm always reminded of the line from the Spider-Man movies
"With Great Power comes Great Responsibility"
Yes, I know it's cliché
(and yes, I did have to look up that Alt Code online because I wanted to spell the word correctly)
(it's Alt+0233 in case you didn't know.)
But it has some ring of truth to it.

Or maybe I just don't want to be bothered with it.
Super powers can be a bit of a hassle, you know.
People would always want you to fix their shit
because you know...they don't have powers.
Or even if they did, they don't have your powers.
And if they did have your powers, well then they wouldn't be powers at all now, would they?

She said to me
"I think I'd like to have telekinesis or the ability to stop time"

I'm sure they both have their uses
And I'm sure they'd both put a strain on your mind
As well as your body.

Now I'm not going to sit here and lie
Because if I had the ability to stop time
I would totally rob a bank.
I know, it's not befitting of a person with superpowers to use them so selfishly.
But damn
Why the hell not?
It's like that movie Jumper
(Despite the terrible reviews, you have to admit that sonic punch was fucking great.)
Except I wouldn't be as stupid.
That guy had all the time in the world to Jump wherever he wanted to
But
He got greedy
He started doing too much.

We all know Absolute Power corrupts Absolutely.
But you have to learn self-discipline.

Again, don't misunderstand me
If I were to gain a power through some force of nature or time
I wouldn't use them like that all the time
(I really don't care if you believe that or not.)

I'm a very simple guy
I essentially just want to get out of debt
And maybe have a car
Other than that
I can work just like everyone else.
"But why work when you have superpowers?"

Bills don't pay themselves
And heroism doesn't pay well.
Hell, even villains are poor in this economy
(reference: Eagle Talon)

I'm just saying
Superpowers have their pros and cons.
Of course.
Now
Is it worth it to have one?
I'm sure.
Nothing quite strokes your ego like knowing their are people out there depending on you.
Knowing that you alone could save the world
It's an exhilarating thought

...for most people.

Knowing that you could destroy the world has its perks too
(If you're into that kind of thing)

So what super power would I like to have?
I still don't know.

...perhaps the ability to change my abilities?
There's some food for thought
But of course, that has its own limitations
(i.e. "Rogue" from X-Men, or that guy from Heroes)

I don't know
Maybe I don't really want a super power
...that's a damn dirty lie.
I'm only human
I'm not perfect


Well damn
I completely forgot what I was supposed to be writing about.
Which of course isn't new
I often forget things like that
Is that a superpower?

...what the fuck is a super power anyway?

4.9.08

Unknown.

"What I'm telling you is, there's some people
who do things so bad it tears at the fabric of the world,
and then there's some people so sweet and good
that they can feel it when the world gets torn."


I like that line.
I can't tell you why
Because honestly, I don't know.
I just like the way it sounds
The way it rolls
The way it feels.
It's not necessarily powerful
Or mind-blowing
It just has a certain...pull about it.
That's an amazing concept really
For people to do things so bad
It tears at the very fabric
the essential makeup of the world itself.
And it is followed with:

"The rest of us, we've got good and evil mixed up in us,
and our own badness makes so much noise we can't hear it"
-Detective Doug Douglas
("The Lost Boys"- Orson Scott Card)

...
Just think about that one for a second.
There are people out there
That know when something exceptionally bad is happening
Only, they don't quite know what it is
They just channel this feeling of...badness
They can feel the frequency of evil
The pitch of indecency.
And they have reactions
People wonder about them
Are they insane?
What happened?
They used to be so nice?
Why are they so distant now?
But, we can't fathom what it's like to feel that same...shudder
That same residual pang that concentrated evil leaves.

No, you see.
The rest of us
We have too much clutter
Too much filth of our own
Too much...impurity.
It takes a massive force
A sign of pure, unfiltered, unrelenting evil for the likes of us to notice.
That's a scary thought.
Children can sense it
Because they're still innocent
Uncorrupted
Pure.
...unless of course, something happens to them.
But children see the truth
They have the eyes
The ears
The sense
Of...I suppose you can call it righteousness.

...but why?
Why only the children?
Why not the adults?
Is a part of growing up embracing the world and it's faults?
In growing up
we make mistakes
we learn
we do bad things
we try to redeem ourselves
...silently.
But still
We've lost the sight
The sense
The touch

...but why?
Is there no real redemption?
Are we doomed to be without divine intuition?
Are we no different than the demons that haunt the halls of abandoned homes?
I speak from more than just a spiritual sense.
I am by no means a medium of any sort
But even I get bad vibes from abandoned homes
Or bad situations.

I'm just curious
Clearly, I've done my share of things that eliminate me from the realm of divine intuition
I am not a child
Despite my best efforts to be.
But in seeking that purity
That sense of righteousness
Do we regain what we once lost
Or is it really gone forever?
Have I created a placebo effect to replace the sensations that used to crawl up and down my body?
Or was it a placebo effect all along?
I am not knowledgeable on this matter
As I stated, I am simply curious.


What is it that I'm trying to get at today?
I don't really know.
Like I said
I just really liked that line.
And it sparks a bit of curiosity in me.
...Can I sense evil like that?
No.
I'm too caught up in my own badness
Trying to silence my demons
Trying to hide part of who I am
Because I fear
Fear what?
Pain.
Pain of bringing shame to light
Pain of being...wrong
Pain of thinking I'm not worthy of living.
Yes, I make mistakes
They're probably not that different than most
But to live with them
to accept my wrongs
That's another thing entirely.

...Then again
Who is to say what's really wrong and right?
Is that the one part of me that has divine intuition?
That somewhere, deep down inside
I can tell when I'm doing something right or wrong
Perhaps
And perhaps there I will find my light
My peace of mind

Though I cannot become untainted
Can I still shine with impurities?

And if I think I'm so terrible
Can I ever learn to be good.

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Atlanta, Georgia, United States
Let's keep this simple. I don't like vegetables.