New Years.

It's that time again
New Years.
We say goodbye to one number ending
and hello to another.

Which always messes me up
Just when you get used to writing month/day/2008
It gets switched up.

So not only do you have to remember what day it is
Which I can also never do
You have to remember to write 2009 now.
Joy. Rapture.

Do I have a resolution?
Of course
We all do.

Promises to ourselves that we normally don't fulfill
but at least we try for a few weeks.

Don't get me wrong now, some people actually stick to it.
The idea of a new year's resolution actually means something significant to them
and to them I say Kudos.

A New Year's Resolution to me is something that I will make considerable more effort to completing.

Example:
"My New Year's Resolution is to stop smoking"
...Yea, right.

as opposed to:
"My New Year's Resolution is try to listen to more people"

Not necessarily difficult, but do able.

I think my resolution last year was to listen to different kinds of music.
Well, if it wasn't that's what I made it anyway.

So
What's your new year's resolution?
(I don't really care, but I'm sure you should have some idea of what you want to work towards.)

My resolution?

Hmm.
That's difficult.

I should write here more often...I make no promises though.
I should exercise a little bit...again, no promises
I should call my family a little more often...but probably won't.

...I know.

This year, I'll be more honest.
With myself
With my friends, associates, loved ones.

Honesty is dangerous yes
But I think I'll be able to sleep better at night if I am.

Happy New Year.

Trek

Changes come.
Keep your dignity
Take the high road
Take it like a man.

Momma said like the rain
(This too will pass)
Like a kidney stone
(This too will pass)
It's just a broken heart, son
This pain will pass away.

- Puscifer - "Momma Sed"


I am quite aware this is the 2nd time in a row that I've used a song quote to begin my entry
If you don't like it
Suck it.
Plain and simple.

Music Lyrics are inspirational
They say so much
They can mean one thing at one time
and something completely different the next.
If you so choose to interpret them that way.

But why this lyric?
Why today?
I don't know.
I was listening to bands that involved Maynard James Keenan
(Tool, APC, Puscifer)
and while still realizing the genius of his music
and by genius I mean things that I'm only able to understand I as I progressively age
I come across lyrics that stick out

I find these lyrics quite often
In songs that I really like.
Some songs are all about the melody and beat
and some are about the words and the message
I don't consider myself to be all that deep
I have a terrible time writing
I lack eloquence.

For example
(Also from Puscifer)

"It's always gonna be sour grapes with you boy, until you get right with Jesus"
-Puscifer, "Sour Grapes"

...I have no idea what that song is about
I just like that line
I like the fact that it sounds like there's a huge choir in the background cosigning on everything he says.

or perhaps in this lyric

"Shaking like a pistol in an young man's hand, there in the pale moonlight"
-Justin Townes Earle, "Lone Pine Hill"

I could go on and on and on
But I forgot what I was talking about.

I really did forgot.
Like, completely.
I'm considering erasing all this writing and starting over
but I feel like that's a waste
and I'm extremely lazy
Even though all it really takes is hitting CTRL + A, Backspace.
You could do that by accident.
That would be a shame.

Especially if you're writing something really good
like a song or an essay
and you get careless
so you hit a series of buttons
and Bink
it's gone.
And you're left starting at a blinking cursor.


...I hate that blinking cursor
It haunts you
Taunts you
teases you
torments you
write something
oh wait, you can't, can you.
Like it's...better than you.

why does it exist?
Everytime you go to write something
it's there
starting you in the face.
mocking you.

Unless, of course
You have your ideas in order before you open it.
Like
a simple line
a simple lyric
a simple sentence, hell, a sentence fragment.

Then you begin to expand
You write
You blossom

Fuck you blinking cursor!
I am victoriou.

(Did that on purpose...long story...text based game...)

What was I saying?
I don't know.
Don't let the blinking cursor win.
A little part of you will die inside.

Gap Band

I hate people.
Plain and simple.

"But hate is such a strong word"
"Surely you can't mean that"
"Hate and Love are two sides of the same coin; passion"
"yeah I hate those motherfuckers too"

These are all legitimate responses to the above phrase.
That doesn't change a damn thing.

People are people
And they all have the same qualities.

Sure, everyone is an individuals
And there are things to be admired about individual personalities
But there are so many things to be despised.
People aren't perfect
I know I'm sure as hell not
And yes, perhaps I do treat it like an uphill struggle
But who doesn't?
Is there anyone out there that doesn't seek to be better than what they are?
I mean really deep down
I doubt it
Those people usually kill themselves at some point.
Very few people are content with themselves in their current lifestyle
Everyone always wants something else
It's a life full of wanting
sometimes needing
coveting
Things that you do not possess
(fuck you spell check.)

More often than not, if you get the things you really want, are you really fulfilled?
I doubt it.
Usually the things we want are paved with sideroads that take us away from the original goal in mind
So we change
We adapt
And we find new things to dream about
Or just keep pushing until we achieve -something-

I hear that's how it goes anyway.

Growing older
(Not growing up, I'm not entirely sure I'll ever do that.)
I wanted a lot of things
Not material, like a space chimp or a gyrating pony
...that last image was a bit disturbing.

I think at some point I wanted to have 100 kids
Yes
100 kids.
Why the fuck would anyone want that?
What was I thinking?
I'll tell you what I was thinking
I could use them like the puppies in 101 Dalmations (screw you SC)
No, not make fur coats out of them
...I don't even know how I thought that would work
Not a smart life decision
I abandoned the idea thusly.

At some point I wanted a younger sibling
...for various reasons...
(interpret that how you will.)
Then I realized I'd have to share my cookies.
Fuck that shit.
Those are -my- cookies.
And you know, I figure it wouldn't be healthy for me or my mother to have to deal with another possible me.
Call it consideration
Call it a cry for help
...I just don't like baby poo.

And as time progressed...like everyone else in the world
I wanted to be noticed
Still do, really.
(Who doesn't)
Not always to become famous or have my name written in the history book
( though I sure as hell wasn't opposed to it)
but because I figure the hire you progress in the popularity chain
the more interesting people you get to meet

You see, I used to like people
I used to like people a lot
I always wanted to know so much information about everyone else
Everyone seemed so interesting
So many cracks and crevices
So many things in the nooks and crannies
Secrets and Plots
Truths and Lies
It used to be exhilarating
(Particularly in women)
(Be offended if you want to, but women are crazy)
I spent so much of my times wondering why people behaved the way they do.
In my younger years
Every action seemed so independent
So...unrestricted.

I've since learned differently.

That's not to say that people aren't still interesting
You've got some pretty crazy motherfuckers out there
And even ordinary Bob Smith's got a few tales to tell you

I've just lost my patience to deal with it.

Before
When we were children
It was a challenge to find out about everyone
Because they simply existed
Children are natural
They don't try to stick out like the deflated balloon in the parade
Although they often do
You can notice a child from quite a distance before you even conceive of where the parents are
(I am aware that this sounds like Stalker behavior)
(And to that I say: Bite Me and go back to your cats and Matlock)

Children are interesting
Adults, less so
Everyone's out to prove who they are
Instead of letting it come out naturally.

Everyone tries so hard
Too fucking hard.
I don't know why
And I damn sure don't give a flying fuck anymore.


...and I'm tired of motherfuckers asking me about mundane shit.
If something changes and I get a new pair of pants, I'll let you know.

FCRDC

You're hot, then you're cold
You're yes, then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
(We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up)

You, you don't really want to say, no
You, but you don't really want to go

*Katy Perry - "Hot N Cold"
----

I put that one line in parenthesis because I don't particularly care for it
No other reason.
The rest of the song is...well, I don't particularly care about that either
The chorus is catchy
Until the line in parenthesis.
Why post that part of the song?
Why now?
I don't know.
It's stuck in my head.

Many things get stuck in my head.
Like that Comcast commercial
You know
The one where the kids are "programming"
The script looks a little something like this:

Kid 1: The javascript library is down!
Kid 2: Can you salvage it?
Kid 1: We're stuck in an endless loop
*chair wheels behind them*
Kid 3: Bypass the interface.

...I hate kid 3.
I hate the person that wrote that script
I hate the person who thought it'd be clever to put that shit on television.
It is full of failure
And the very existence of that sentence fragment in that part of the universe
Annoys the shit out of me.
I mean, it's like they took a bunch of words they didn't think anyone would know
And just threw them together.
This is not politics
You're not winning any votes this way
I don't feel like I was promised anything
In fact, I'm sure that if I wasn't already a Comcast customer, I damn sure wouldn't be now.

I don't know what it is about that commercial that irks me
I think it's just the way that the kid says it
He's just so...sure that he's right
I know there's got to be some other kid in that office that's shaking his head
thinking to himself
"Man that guy is an idiot."
But people are determined to believe he's right
Because he doesn't think he could possibly be wrong.

That says a lot really.
That's how people are
Like sheep sometimes
They don't know that they could be being lead to the slaughter
They're just so convinced that this one sheep knows where he's going
And he's so convinced that he has to be right because no one else can be.
And then you've got the one sitting on the side just shaking his head
Wondering
Can they really be that stupid?

...I'm exaggerating of course, I'm not entirely sure sheep have coherent thoughts like that.
I don't know what sheep think
Or if they think at all
Maybe it's like a Disney movie with all animals.
It could happen.


People can't really be that stupid, can they?
Yes, they can.
You know handfuls of people that are as offended as you
But think about why that is
You're all in the same environment
There was obviously some similar thread that got you there
Think about all the people that aren't in your environment
The people that don't understand the things that you do
That don't realize when things are out of place
Not because they're necessarily stupid
But because they're ignorant.
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing
It just means you don't know.
It's not always your fault
You just don't know.

I think as time progresses, those of us that seek power
Really take this knowledge into heart
People are fairly ignorant
While there are always a few that understand your thinking
There are hundreds, thousands, sometimes millions that don't
These are the ones you make believe what you want them to believe
It takes time to master of course
And it becomes childsplay.
People are predictable
Predictably stupid
and Predictably ignorant
(most times)

The selfish see this as a means to climb to power
The selfless see this is a means to help or protect.

I guess it's just what you make of it
Knowledge can be a terrible thing.