Metaphorically
I've been watching seagulls.
That is to say
I've been watching them fly around in circles
Initially it was quite soothing.
I am a man of the sea
...no, not a sailor
But water plays an integral part of my lifestyle.
Without it, I am...lost.
So the seagulls have been a sort of compliment to the ocean view.
Except I realized that my feet were not in water.
In fact, there are no lakes, rivers, or hell, even ponds where I live
And those birds weren't seagulls
They were pidgeons.
Which of course brought me to a few realizations:
1) What have I been doing?
2) Where's my water?
3) Did I really just have an illusion?
4) I must be lost.
5) What have I been missing?
I've been caught up in extreme melancholy
A time period so...bland that I've become milquetoast.
Working where I do
I see hundreds of new faces
Everyday.
Hundreds, thousands even
And they're all the same to me.
Which really saddens me.
The people...they're never different.
The same types rotate in and out of the place
Down to the work force.
There's no...variety
No...diversity
Not even a well...I don't know what to call it
I feel in every place there should be that one person that makes you say
"What the fuck?" at least once a day.
Just to keep things interesting.
Here? No such thing.
The predictability of it all was and still is wearing me down
I'm finally able to open my eyes a little bit
which is a relief in some ways
but part of me also feels that dragging feeling
that knows my eyes are going to get heavy again.
I suppose one of the best ways to describe it is to take a line from a Jealousy Curve song
entitled "Lazy Days"
"Well these lazy days, they teach a lesson here
My motivation's gone, and the fucking TV
it runs on and on
I can't find a single thing to do
To make this all less ordinary"
While I continue contemplating what else I'd like to express
For now lets take a look at the poly side of my life.
For the first time in probably quite sometime
I'm actually disappointed in myself for not acquiring someone's number.
You see...facial expression is important to me
and by important I'm pretty sure that means it's a turn on
Or rather, control of the facial expressions is a turn on
Something about the ability to do things with eyebrows,
the slightly mischievous curve of a lip
It's so...intriguing to me
Strangely enough moreso because I can do it too.
I am a sucker for it and it has lead to some...unlikeable situations for me
But, I still acknowledge it as something that interests me.
But I'm digressing.
Long story short, I did end up hanging out with these two chicks
and I thought we were having good conversation
amidst everything else that was going on
Ideally having both numbers would've been nice
But there came a point where I didn't want to be
...how do say...
too forward?
I suppose I must just take the L for that one.
Its a rotten shame though
I think that may have been the first time I actually wanted a fling
as opposed to say, a longer relationship
It was...enlightening in a way.
That was also the first time I could've gotten more than one number at once
...that's always exciting.
The operative word here however is "could've"
So we chalk this one up to the
"could've, would've, should've" category
and watch it tumble down the well of obscurity.
I have always been afraid to "pull the trigger"
for one reason or another
Most of it is fear-related
But there does come a point
(usually when I'm drunk)
That I feel it's just that time
And I'm willing to give something a shot
Why is it that in my sobriety
I become so...closed to the world?
In my sobriety the world really, really sucks
In my inebriation the world still sucks, but I don't give a damn about it.
In my sobriety...and as I'm typing this it's making me think about writing a song
...I do what needs to be done regardless of time and effort
in my inebriation the little things are easier to find.
It's a perplexing world
While sober I am a man of serious intentions (except when I'm at home)
taking care of all kinds of business, being responsible, enjoying the breeze
When I've had a few drinks it becomes incredibly easy for me to find
that little extra piece of awesome in the day.
Hell, I even cook better while drunk.
And I know, being drunk everyday is a testament to the true alcoholic
but it does make things fun y'know?
I suppose there's a key to doing it in moderation
Yea, I've gone to work buzzed a few times
Who hasn't?
Sometimes you need that little extra awesome in your day.
I've been watching seagulls.
That is to say
I've been watching them fly around in circles
Initially it was quite soothing.
I am a man of the sea
...no, not a sailor
But water plays an integral part of my lifestyle.
Without it, I am...lost.
So the seagulls have been a sort of compliment to the ocean view.
Except I realized that my feet were not in water.
In fact, there are no lakes, rivers, or hell, even ponds where I live
And those birds weren't seagulls
They were pidgeons.
Which of course brought me to a few realizations:
1) What have I been doing?
2) Where's my water?
3) Did I really just have an illusion?
4) I must be lost.
5) What have I been missing?
I've been caught up in extreme melancholy
A time period so...bland that I've become milquetoast.
Working where I do
I see hundreds of new faces
Everyday.
Hundreds, thousands even
And they're all the same to me.
Which really saddens me.
The people...they're never different.
The same types rotate in and out of the place
Down to the work force.
There's no...variety
No...diversity
Not even a well...I don't know what to call it
I feel in every place there should be that one person that makes you say
"What the fuck?" at least once a day.
Just to keep things interesting.
Here? No such thing.
The predictability of it all was and still is wearing me down
I'm finally able to open my eyes a little bit
which is a relief in some ways
but part of me also feels that dragging feeling
that knows my eyes are going to get heavy again.
I suppose one of the best ways to describe it is to take a line from a Jealousy Curve song
entitled "Lazy Days"
"Well these lazy days, they teach a lesson here
My motivation's gone, and the fucking TV
it runs on and on
I can't find a single thing to do
To make this all less ordinary"
While I continue contemplating what else I'd like to express
For now lets take a look at the poly side of my life.
For the first time in probably quite sometime
I'm actually disappointed in myself for not acquiring someone's number.
You see...facial expression is important to me
and by important I'm pretty sure that means it's a turn on
Or rather, control of the facial expressions is a turn on
Something about the ability to do things with eyebrows,
the slightly mischievous curve of a lip
It's so...intriguing to me
Strangely enough moreso because I can do it too.
I am a sucker for it and it has lead to some...unlikeable situations for me
But, I still acknowledge it as something that interests me.
But I'm digressing.
Long story short, I did end up hanging out with these two chicks
and I thought we were having good conversation
amidst everything else that was going on
Ideally having both numbers would've been nice
But there came a point where I didn't want to be
...how do say...
too forward?
I suppose I must just take the L for that one.
Its a rotten shame though
I think that may have been the first time I actually wanted a fling
as opposed to say, a longer relationship
It was...enlightening in a way.
That was also the first time I could've gotten more than one number at once
...that's always exciting.
The operative word here however is "could've"
So we chalk this one up to the
"could've, would've, should've" category
and watch it tumble down the well of obscurity.
I have always been afraid to "pull the trigger"
for one reason or another
Most of it is fear-related
But there does come a point
(usually when I'm drunk)
That I feel it's just that time
And I'm willing to give something a shot
Why is it that in my sobriety
I become so...closed to the world?
In my sobriety the world really, really sucks
In my inebriation the world still sucks, but I don't give a damn about it.
In my sobriety...and as I'm typing this it's making me think about writing a song
...I do what needs to be done regardless of time and effort
in my inebriation the little things are easier to find.
It's a perplexing world
While sober I am a man of serious intentions (except when I'm at home)
taking care of all kinds of business, being responsible, enjoying the breeze
When I've had a few drinks it becomes incredibly easy for me to find
that little extra piece of awesome in the day.
Hell, I even cook better while drunk.
And I know, being drunk everyday is a testament to the true alcoholic
but it does make things fun y'know?
I suppose there's a key to doing it in moderation
Yea, I've gone to work buzzed a few times
Who hasn't?
Sometimes you need that little extra awesome in your day.
