Auras

I had to write this one down
It's too good for me not to explore.

I want to talk about Auras.
Or at least what I understand them to be.
Don't get me wrong, I could be completely mislead
But I really can't think of another word for it.
Aura...just closely relates to what I'm thinking.

Let's say that your Aura is the air around you that you give off
Some people say it's colors, some people say it's a certain kind of heat
Some people say it's a certain tune that only you let out and other people hear.
It may be all of these
It may be none of these
But the fact remains that there is certain something between people that allows
someone else to sense certain things about you.
Could be smell, could be an otherworldly sense, could be anything
For the sake of today's discussion, I call it an Aura.

I bring this to the table today because of a discussion that arised
And much like some of my earlier work, the words just came flowing from my mind
And 9 out of 10 times, it ends up sounding philosophical, even if it isn't.

This...Aura that you give off, is specific to you of course
It's something only you can control
Even if you don't know you can do it.
Yet
to some extent there's small bits of it that we all understand
Like...even toddlers for example
While they can't necessarily talk, they can put off a sort of air around them
It's just the basic needs mostly, because they're new to the world
They only have need of sleep, eating, and expulsion of fecal matter.
Parents are most receptive to it
And most females
Because most females have some air of nurture about them
They have an innate ability to care for the young
Not to say that men can't do so
Just that women tend to be more receptive.
Parents, for a variety of reasons are particularly sensitive to the child
Because they are direct offspring
The child gives off an air that resonates with the original parents
The parents recognize it and interpret it as what the child needs.
It's very basic, yet...it needs no words
Because there is an Aura about the child.

As you progress through age, you learn to use the Aura for different things
If you learn to use it all, which most people do for one reason or another.
Some of the basics are forgotten, and for some time people forget how they are doing
whatever it is that they are doing.
You no longer have to give off the air of hunger or sleepiness because it's understood.
Again, particularly by parents.

Now, before I go further
Let's discuss the nature of an Aura
What's in it? What is it? What makes it? What drives it?
From what I can surmise
the closest word I can think of is...desire.
The kind of aura you push out is that of what you desire.
In some cases it's a kind of heat because you may desire someone carnally
In other cases it may be a color because of your attitude for the day
It's ever changing
I suppose it could also be similar to someone's soul
The very essence of their being

Yet, we're all human, so there's something common in all human auras
An understanding that we all share similar emotions
There's no need for an extra layer of translation between two people meeting.
Some bodies understand this more than others
Females in particular, they are very receptive to auras that people put out
Some males share the gift.

Guys face the problem of not being able to read or feel other peoples auras
So they have this innate urge to make their presence known
Thus an air of dominance, an aura of confidence.

Controlling these...auras is something different entirely
I suppose it can be done by anyone
If they learn to understand it.

I won't lie and say that I've mastered myself and my aura
because that's a lie
But I have come to believe that there are certain parts of it that I do understand
And that I can manipulate.

I bring this up because from what I hear from other people
People are attracted to me
Not sexually (well, sometimes...I am kinda cute.)
But that there's an air about me that sort of draws people
Now, I don't necessarily believe this
But I do think that I have the ability to sense and push out my own aura.

For an example
(This is a bad one)
Everytime I sit on the subway to work
I wish that no one talks to me
yet
I twist this air with a sense that I want -certain people- to talk to me
Which gives off this weird feeling of a closed aura with open holes.
This usually draws interest from people
Not always in a good way
I do get a lot of homeless people asking me for change that way.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel the same way
They don't generally want people to talk them
They're just waiting for certain people to do so
So they have an Aura that's only half closed
People walking by can sense that there's something different about the person
And some people use it to their advantage
Homeless people for example seem to be exceptionally receptive to these
Mostly because the people that have these auras look like giant teddy bears with wide eyes.

Now me, I know homeless people like to ask me for change
So I try to push off the aura of "Leave me alone"
But I try too hard, so it stands out in the crowd
Which obviously draws the attention of those people trying to be receptive.

And here we have the innate problem of trying to control your own aura
You can make it different
You can change it how you want to
But it will be noticed.
By both the people you do and don't want to notice it
Because it's loud, damn it.
Haven't you ever met those people?
They walk in, and you -know- they just walked in.
That shit is loud.
But damned if they don't have that air about them.
That...confidence.
And that's what draws people to them
Either because their interested on how to do it themselves
Or because it's just innately curious to them.

...
My apologies, I've be come sidetracked.
I had some more things I wanted to point out, but I'm afraid that will have to wait for another time.

Not a topic.

Recently I've taken to writing about sexuality.
Mostly because I consider it a rather large portion of my life.
Not to say that I'm addicted to sex or anything
(Though I might be, I'm not really sure yet.)
I've just always been interested in it.

The thing is
I usually write things from my own experiences
Since I mean, that's the best way to learn something

...I don't know where I thought I was going with that.
I'll be honest here

I'm writing this today because I'm a little bit frustrated.
Sexually, that is.
I mean, I know everyone gets to that point a lot
That doesn't make it any less annoying, trust me.

People always say things like "Oh, I haven't had sex in 3 months"
or the "I've never actually had sex"
So as to make you feel somehow better about the fact
That you're not currently rolling around in another persons sweat.
Say "ew" if you want to
You're probably a virgin.
That was mean, I know
but truthful.

...Never heard a woman complain about sweat if she's getting that good dick.
Yes, I said it
That good dick.
A good hot dicking.
Does that offend you?
Probably not.
It makes me laugh.
If you're not laughing
You're too uptight
And probably need a good hot dicking.
(Dr. Tran can give it to you.)

What does that term mean you ask?
It's really not that hard to figure out
Obviously it involves a dick and someone getting dicked down
Or
Penetrated
Fucked
Sexed
Plowed
Stuffed
...stop me if you've heard any of these before.
Slammed
Rammed
Whammed
Porked
(I still don't know where they came up with that one)
Things like that.

Clearly you can tell by my abrasive language that I really don't give a fuck tonight
There's a reason for that.
See
I have a libido
A fairly strong one at that.
Simply put
A libido
(to me)
is your sex drive.
(i don't care what it actually is, that's what it means to me)

That part of you that feels compelled to "do the deed"
with another...body...substance...thing.

Yes, this is horniness.

As far as I'm concerned, there are different types of horniness
The first is the basic type that most people have
which is usually a compulsion to release your tension through some form of ejaculation.
That one's easy enough to solve
Go get some lotion/lube, a towel and a porn flick
You'll be just fine.
After this, one usually feels a bit less stressed and more able to cope with his/her day.
(Note: this is a daily thing for guys
Some of it is to relieve stress, but most of it is out of sheer boredom)
I can't explain why it is that women don't masturbate as much
They let a lot of that tension build up before they do anything about it.
(...does that somehow make release even better?
Hmm...sounds like a hypothesis)

No, that's not what I suffer from today.

The second is a compulsory desire to be intimate with another person
That's the kind of sex when there's enough tension in the air to cut it with a spoon
Someone needs to get dicked down, quick.
This is less common than the initial libido stab, but still quite common
It grows with silence and slight movements
It can sometimes be unbearable
Mostly because communication between the two bodies is sporadic if existent at all.
One body usually says "Damn, I want that"
And the other body says "Damn I want that"
but they're both so loud they don't hear the other.
Then you slip into "Damn I want that...does that want this?"
Which can be a mistake
or
it can lead to
"Damn I want that...I'm going to have it now."
Then
Wham, bam, thank you ma'am
Hot Dickings all around.
(Fuck you spell check, dickings is word.)


The third is the urge to fulfill a desire of some sort
to live out a fantasy that you probably have had for quite some time
This can include anything from doing it doggy style, to spankings to stockings to licking sour cream off of nipples
Hell, I don't know, I'm not that fucking creative, use your goddamn imagination.
You get the point.
This is a kind of horniness that doesn't really go away
It likes to stick around and fuck with you a lot.
It gets infinitely more frustrating as time goes by.
I mean
It's fucking great if you ever get to fulfill it
but the time you have to wait for it absofuckinglutely ricockulous

It's desires like this that make the people you consider weird or "just downright wrong"
(necrophiliacs, dendrophiliacs, pedophiles, scat-people, etc)
Do what they do.
I'm telling you
That shit doesn't go away.
It sticks to you like...little mexican children selling Chiclets.
(Yea, I said it, I know it's racist
Shit, goto Nogales and see if you don't find out what I mean)

As time progresses and you get a little closer to fulfilling those desires
each let down gets progressively worse and more damaging to your ego
and libido.
Seriously.

I speak so frankly about it because obviously I have a lot to say on the matter
Yes, I do believe that I'm suffering from these issues currently.
I'll let you guess which one.


I'm just saying
Talking about it doesn't make it less annoying
Having other people tell you about their sexual mistakes doesn't make it better.
Annoying is annoying.

So what do you do to not be annoyed?
That, my friends, is the million dollar question.

And don't say "I turn that energy into something positive like exercise"
You're a goddamn liar.
You don't exercise because your horny
You exercise because you want to feel better about yourself.
Fucking liars.
All of you.

Well, not all of you.
But enough of you.
Deceitful, deceitful people.
For shame.

Sexuality (2 of ∞) - Ponder

I wasn't planning on writing this today
But I was kindly informed by a friend of mine
That I should continue

So I shall.

These past week or so has been very tiring and busy
So I haven't really thought about much
Which means a few things
I could not be as sharp
Or
I could be sharper.
I'll let you think about that for a minute.
(It's okay if it means nothing to you...
wait a fucking second, why does "okay" get a red squiggly line
This makes no sense.
I bet this thing thinks conversate is a word
No, I was wrong.
Now I'm just confused.)

By the way, "Conversate" is not a word
(You can have a conversation, you can converse with something
But you can't conversate.
Shit doesn't even make sense.)

Alas, I digress once more
Something I am infamous for.

Sexuality, in its entirety
(wow, I'm surprised that's a word)
Is a vast, and mostly untouchable thing
So yes, I do hesitate on what to talk about next.

I mean
There's just so much to talk about
People have been publishing books on these things for years
People spend their whole lives devoted to it
And they -still- can't explain it
Not all of it anyway.

There's just too much to cover
Maybe
I think you have to take it slowly
Treat the study more like a child
Than a lego set.
(I fucking love legos)

I'm a kinesthetic learner
Like a lot of people
(Kinesthetic more or less means the "hands on" approach)
I would say I'm about 60% Kinesthetic and 35% Visual
Which, if you can do math properly
Leads you to the 5% of Auditory learning
(I just don't listen)
(Yea, I said it, I'm not ashamed)
(I don't listen for shit.)

In the case of Sex
Whether it's foreplay, intercourse, masturbation, orgasm or just plain cuddlin'
There are certain things you can only learn from the Hands On approach
Literally.

Obviously, you never quite know how to deal with another persons body
It's awkward
That's just how it is.
I mean, there does come a time if you've been with so many people
That you have a fairly good idea of how to handle it
But there's still a lot of awkwardness.

Sex is awkward
There's a lot of bumping
Rubbing
Moving
Sweating
Sometimes scratching
Heavy breathing
Confusion
Excitement
and Doubt.

They're all there.
They always have been
And they always will be.
It's what makes it so damn fun.
You never exactly know how it's going to turn out
It's got that element of mystery in it.
Or if it doesn't
That's usually when people go seeking it elsewhere
(i.e. affairs, trysts, hookers)
(Not that there's much mystery in a hooker, you know exactly what you're paying for)

But it's meant to be that way
Or so I assume.

Take this quotation:

"Holding Naoko in my arms, I wanted to explain to her,
'I am having sex with you now. I am inside you. But really this is nothing. It doesn't matter.
It is nothing but the joining of two bodies. All we are doing is telling each other things that can only be told by the rubbing together of two imperfect lumps of flesh.
By doing this, we are sharing our imperfection'"
(Haruki Murakami - "Norwegian Wood")

(No, I don't know if I cited that correctly
I just spent the past 6 minutes looking up ways to do it
And nothing relevant came up.
Thanks Internet, you always know the answer.)

I think that's a pretty good description
That's what it is
Two imperfect bodies coming together
sharing their imperfection
Recognizing it in each other
And celebrating it
in a matter of speaking.

Yet it's through that acknowledgment
That we find a primal state of being.
I know I said this before
It helps along the road to enlightment
You are imperfect
And so is everyone else.

Which is why
You have to take the hands on approach
You have to feel it out
Understand it
("it" being that almost insatiable desire to paw another's flesh)
Control it
Not necessarily tame it
but channel it.

There's a lot of heat and passion that goes into good sex
(I said good sex, not all sex)
Sometimes sex is just y'know
someone rubbing themselves in/on someone else until they release
I don't particularly care for that
I don't really see the point.
You can masturbate alone
Why misuse the company of another body
You can feel it, feed off it it, meld their desires with your own
And slip into a new kind of pleasure entirely.
But again, I digress.

I've digressed a lot actually
Almost to the point that I've forgotten what I meant to be talking about.
I apologize
You didn't come here to hear me rant on and on
Or maybe you did
If that's the case

...you're weird.

I think I said all of this to say that sex is awkward
It's pleasurable, yes.
Extremely pleasurable.

But there's always that milestone to get over
Especially for Virgins, people with Anxiety and Nerve Problems
Or even your Joe Averages.

We're human
We don't know it all
We share this with others
And are comforted

...It's okay to not know.
(Fucking squiggly lines)


You just have to learn to embrace pleasure.
Look past the could, would, should, can, and cannots
Just focus on what to do.
Seek pleasure
Find pleasure
Embrace it.