Oil and Water,
Oil and Water.
Never the two shall mix.
I've been sitting on this little ditty for a couple of days now.
While it may not actually be a song
(I honestly haven't a clue if it is)
I feel like it is
And that's what counts.
The origins of this lie in a conversation I had with my
...well sometimes I really don't know what to call her.
Which is of course part of my problem, but we'll go into that another time.
Let's use Significant Other for the time being
(I don't particularly care for that phrase, it sounds too formal)
I can't use Lover for reasons I did not choose
Nor can I use Girlfriend
I haven't a marriage license neither, so I can't say Wife.
Mate? Better Half? I really don't have a word for it right now
Perhaps one day, but not today.
Also before I continue, I was experimenting with Gin a few moments ago
It's such a difficult taste to place.
I have an affinity to sweet things
And Gin is most certainly not sweet.
I've always seen it as the bitterness in say, a Long Island.
Sure there are people that drink Proper Martinis
(Yes I did capitalize that, Vodka Martinis don't seem as...genuine to me)
But I am not one of those people.
Point is, Gin is hard to match in taste.
It has a very peppery taste, and it lingers with you.
Yes, yes, I know, -proper- Gin should do no such thing
But guess what? I'm broke
So I have the cheap shit.
I think it takes a bit of creativity to make cheap shit not taste bad.
Anyway, I'm sitting here now with my drink.
I'm still working on it
As I'm not entirely sure of the taste
But I don't feel the battering ram of Gin in my mouth as I sip,
That is most certainly an improvement.
Regular/Plastic Tumbler Cup/Glass
Fill with Ice
3/4 oz - Gin
3/4 oz - Triple Sec
Fill with Strawberry Soda
Something about the strawberry negates the fiery pepper in my mouth.
I don't particularly care to eat strawberries, but I enjoy strawberry flavored things...sometimes.
It has a bit of an awkward taste to me, but I guess that's why this works.
Or maybe it doesn't...I'll see when I sober up a bit.
Where was I?
Ah, right, Oil and Water.
Because lately, if you couldn't already tell, I've been feeling a bit depressed
I've been trying to nail down exactly why that is
But I doubt I'll ever actually figure it out
But it doesn't hurt to try.
I was talking to my SO, also known as Baby
And against my better judgement I found myself talking about our relationship
Or rather...the Polyamorous aspect of our relationship.
The more I think about it, the more I realize it doesn't ever actually go away.
I'm always going to be thinking about it one way or another.
Still battling myself and my thoughts and feelings.
Still beating myself up (sometimes unnecessarily)
Still trying to figure everything out.
There is no easy way through this for me
There's no book of answers that I can turn to
Hell, there's really no one I feel I can talk to about it most times.
Not because I don't feel people will listen
But rather because I don't feel its worth mentioning to anyone.
Yes, even to you Baby (I know you read this)
I refuse to take time out of someone else's day to figure my own shit out.
That is not acceptable.
Now, before I get upset, let me continue from before.
Amongst the other things we discussed, at some point the thought crossed my mind to ask her
"What is he to you?"
She took some time to think about it
Then gave me an answer.
The analogy she used that I feel best describes it
Is that he and I are like Oil and Water
He, being the oil
I, being the water.
I thought about this for a while, holding on to it
I don't want to let it slip, it feels like such a good...explanation.
There's much meaning behind it to me and probably to her as well.
Oil and Water are different yet oddly similar.
They are both fluid, both real, both adapting and changing to fit the space they are in
But also very very different.
Oil is flammable, dangerous, and versatile
Water is soothing, essential and endless.
She also talked of us being similar to that of Chaos and Order
Chaos is ever changing, ever unsure, ever alluring
Order is structured, safe, and just...there.
Two opposite sides of a coin
But both are there
They exist independently of each other
But they are both means of existence.
A very, grand, broad way of describing it, yes
But without going into so many details
I find it to be a very interesting analogy.
I can certainly see why both sides would have their ups and downs
And certainly the allure of having both.
After all, would you rather have:
A bonfire,
A cold shower,
Or a warm jacuzzi?
I won't deny that I have mixed feelings about it.
While it is a good explanation, that doesn't mean I don't still have not-so-nice thoughts lurking around.
Really, I just don't know what to think sometimes.
Or most times.
I can't say that I'm lost
But rather that I'm wading through mud and I don't see a way out of the marsh
It does exist, yes
It is ahead of me, yes
But I haven't the slightest damn clue how long it's going to take to get there.
And sometimes I really do just want to give up
Anyone would.
It's heavy, it's thick and it doesn't want to let up.
I guess I forget that I'm supposed to be looking for little things
Like a clearing, or a patch of sunlight.
It gets hard to think about these things when you're heavy all the time.
It's no one's fault though.
I make the decisions I do.
This is my life, after all.
...It's not as heavy as it used to be though.
Oil and Water.
Never the two shall mix.
I've been sitting on this little ditty for a couple of days now.
While it may not actually be a song
(I honestly haven't a clue if it is)
I feel like it is
And that's what counts.
The origins of this lie in a conversation I had with my
...well sometimes I really don't know what to call her.
Which is of course part of my problem, but we'll go into that another time.
Let's use Significant Other for the time being
(I don't particularly care for that phrase, it sounds too formal)
I can't use Lover for reasons I did not choose
Nor can I use Girlfriend
I haven't a marriage license neither, so I can't say Wife.
Mate? Better Half? I really don't have a word for it right now
Perhaps one day, but not today.
Also before I continue, I was experimenting with Gin a few moments ago
It's such a difficult taste to place.
I have an affinity to sweet things
And Gin is most certainly not sweet.
I've always seen it as the bitterness in say, a Long Island.
Sure there are people that drink Proper Martinis
(Yes I did capitalize that, Vodka Martinis don't seem as...genuine to me)
But I am not one of those people.
Point is, Gin is hard to match in taste.
It has a very peppery taste, and it lingers with you.
Yes, yes, I know, -proper- Gin should do no such thing
But guess what? I'm broke
So I have the cheap shit.
I think it takes a bit of creativity to make cheap shit not taste bad.
Anyway, I'm sitting here now with my drink.
I'm still working on it
As I'm not entirely sure of the taste
But I don't feel the battering ram of Gin in my mouth as I sip,
That is most certainly an improvement.
Regular/Plastic Tumbler Cup/Glass
Fill with Ice
3/4 oz - Gin
3/4 oz - Triple Sec
Fill with Strawberry Soda
Something about the strawberry negates the fiery pepper in my mouth.
I don't particularly care to eat strawberries, but I enjoy strawberry flavored things...sometimes.
It has a bit of an awkward taste to me, but I guess that's why this works.
Or maybe it doesn't...I'll see when I sober up a bit.
Where was I?
Ah, right, Oil and Water.
Because lately, if you couldn't already tell, I've been feeling a bit depressed
I've been trying to nail down exactly why that is
But I doubt I'll ever actually figure it out
But it doesn't hurt to try.
I was talking to my SO, also known as Baby
And against my better judgement I found myself talking about our relationship
Or rather...the Polyamorous aspect of our relationship.
The more I think about it, the more I realize it doesn't ever actually go away.
I'm always going to be thinking about it one way or another.
Still battling myself and my thoughts and feelings.
Still beating myself up (sometimes unnecessarily)
Still trying to figure everything out.
There is no easy way through this for me
There's no book of answers that I can turn to
Hell, there's really no one I feel I can talk to about it most times.
Not because I don't feel people will listen
But rather because I don't feel its worth mentioning to anyone.
Yes, even to you Baby (I know you read this)
I refuse to take time out of someone else's day to figure my own shit out.
That is not acceptable.
Now, before I get upset, let me continue from before.
Amongst the other things we discussed, at some point the thought crossed my mind to ask her
"What is he to you?"
She took some time to think about it
Then gave me an answer.
The analogy she used that I feel best describes it
Is that he and I are like Oil and Water
He, being the oil
I, being the water.
I thought about this for a while, holding on to it
I don't want to let it slip, it feels like such a good...explanation.
There's much meaning behind it to me and probably to her as well.
Oil and Water are different yet oddly similar.
They are both fluid, both real, both adapting and changing to fit the space they are in
But also very very different.
Oil is flammable, dangerous, and versatile
Water is soothing, essential and endless.
She also talked of us being similar to that of Chaos and Order
Chaos is ever changing, ever unsure, ever alluring
Order is structured, safe, and just...there.
Two opposite sides of a coin
But both are there
They exist independently of each other
But they are both means of existence.
A very, grand, broad way of describing it, yes
But without going into so many details
I find it to be a very interesting analogy.
I can certainly see why both sides would have their ups and downs
And certainly the allure of having both.
After all, would you rather have:
A bonfire,
A cold shower,
Or a warm jacuzzi?
I won't deny that I have mixed feelings about it.
While it is a good explanation, that doesn't mean I don't still have not-so-nice thoughts lurking around.
Really, I just don't know what to think sometimes.
Or most times.
I can't say that I'm lost
But rather that I'm wading through mud and I don't see a way out of the marsh
It does exist, yes
It is ahead of me, yes
But I haven't the slightest damn clue how long it's going to take to get there.
And sometimes I really do just want to give up
Anyone would.
It's heavy, it's thick and it doesn't want to let up.
I guess I forget that I'm supposed to be looking for little things
Like a clearing, or a patch of sunlight.
It gets hard to think about these things when you're heavy all the time.
It's no one's fault though.
I make the decisions I do.
This is my life, after all.
...It's not as heavy as it used to be though.
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