it's past my bedtime.

I, for one

am angry.

To be completely fair,

I'm often angry.

There's a lot of energy in anger

and I usually need to get a lot of shit done.

It never seems that way to other people

but I'm not really known for being concerned about other people.

Except when I am.

And therein lies my problem.

I don't care, until I do

But when I do

I really care.

So much that it's annoying

And so much more annoying when it's not beneficial.

I met someone

online

but

I met someone.

I then met that one

in person

but

I just met them.

That meeting turned into another one

and another one after that.

 3.

That's all I got.

3.

However, I was promised many.

So I am angry.

Now, to be completely verbatim,

the words "promise" or "swear to"

were never used

But

Other things were said.

Other commitments were made

Other ideas were flourished out

to become reality.

And yet

3

is all I got.

I am upset.

The thing is

I still don't know why.

It's not been explained to me in a way that I can comprehend

My questions remained unanswered

My mind remains in turmoil.

(Turmoil may be a bit excessive, but I'm writing here)

So I am angry.

But mostly

I am hurt.

Something about it rubs me the wrong way consistently.

And it hurts.

Like walking around all day with a pebble in my shoe.

But I just can't find it.

So it's uncomfortable

annoying

borderline painful

and all i can think about.

It's all I can focus on

But nothing I know how to fix.

All I'm left with is a lot of "why"

So many "why"s

Very few "because"s.

"Let it go"

I hear that a lot.

And, I would

if there were a way to do that without being

...ice cold.

I don't like being ice cold.

I am completely capable of it

I just don't like it.

And yet

I'm starting to feel my hand being forced.

I do not like this.

This does not please me.

I am angry.

I am hurt.

I am saddened.

So much promise

So very much.

Such a world of joy

Such a world of delight

To see this

To touch this

To be in this

And then

To be isolated from it.

I am angry

I am hurt

I am saddened

I am bitter.

My thoughts linger

like bad smells

with no open windows.

They stir

They cause unrest

They make me

feel

like shit.

I am angry

I am hurt

I am saddened

I am bitter

I am not taking this well.

 Stress piles up

Work days get longer

People annoy me

Life gets harder

My body is tired

My mind is exhausted

My spirit

well shit

I don't even know where that is.

I am angry

I am hurt

I am saddened

I am bitter

I am not taking this well

And I'm way too fucking tired to deal with this shit.

Fuck right the fuck off.

Thank you

and goodnight.

....

...

..

.

However,

I'd still love to hear from you.