Choose

I was on OKCupid
browsing profiles, answering random questions
and I came across a question that actually stopped me.
Not because it was insensitive, or gross or stupid or anything like that
But because it was the most thought provoking question I'd been asked in a really long time.

"If you had to choose one for the rest of your life, which would you pick?"
1- "Monogamy?"
2- "An open relationship?"
3- "Polyamory?"
4- "Playing the field?"

----

It really stunned me. For multiple reasons
One, I didn't think I'd ever come across that question
Two, how am I gonna answer that?

My initial response was Monogamy
Which shouldn't be a surprise in any way whatsoever.
That's how we're raised. I've covered this in a previous post
And to be fair, part of me still wants a monogamous relationship.
So of course I began questioning myself
and the nature of my polyamorous relationship
Am I doing the right thing?
What am I doing?
How am I supposed to feel?
I mean, I'm already in a polyamorous relationship
Shouldn't I be used to it by now?
Why was monogamy my first answer?
Have I been doing something wrong?
I don't know how to answer this question
What do I do?


But then I read the question again
The important part of it really caught my eye

"...for the rest of your life..."

And
with that, a whole world of answers popped in my head.
The rest of my life is either a very short, or very long time
Either way, it's still a life.
And at some point in that life
I will fall in love with someone else
And I want to know that whether it's tomorrow, next week, or a decade from now
That I can have my marriage not go to hell over a basic animal instinct.
I love my wife, with all the love I can possibly give her, and then some.
She's not going anywhere, neither am I.
We're in this shit for the long haul.
I don't want to lose that.
I may not know how to make all the right decisions
I may not know how to do everything I want
But I'm not stupid enough to let this woman walk out of my life.
So yes, I would rather be an adult about my relationships
I would rather acknowledge that yes, we will both be attracted to other people
for other reasons
and no, that doesn't mean we don't love each other
I would rather acknowledge that yes, I will love my wife more
for understanding that we are human and we need love
sometimes we are oh so lonely and we need more than just one person to share that with
I would rather know that I can have more than one person in my life to show me how special I am, to make love to, to share life experiences with, to...live.
I'd rather be honest and open about how I feel
and know that it'll be okay
than to sneak around behind her back and destroy her trust in me.

Relationships happen. they happen every goddamn day.
You don't know who you'll be attracted to, or even why sometimes.
But that's a part of life
Denying that is denying well...life.
Not to be misunderstood, it's perfectly fine to have monogamous relationships
I just want people to acknowledge that there's also nothing wrong
with finding beauty in other places.
Not everyone is gonna act on those impulses
And that's fine.
But don't deny that you're human, that you're an animal
That you lust, that you desire, that you want, that you love
that you find new connections in unexpected places
Don't deny yourself this.

I accept that one day I'll find others that tickle my fancy
I look forward to finding others that I can share my life with.

But mostly I am at peace knowing that its okay to be polyamorous.