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I don't have a plan.
I've never had a plan.

Not because plans don't work
but because my plans don't work.

I am often told that I don't succeed at what i do
Because I don't put 100% of myself out there to do it.
This is probably true.
I rarely put 100% of myself into anything
I'm not even sure what that means.

I guess it's being completely committed to your cause or whatever
And that's fine. I can completely understand that.
There are some things out there that I just know that I want
And I'm going to get those things.
For example, I'm going to start doing some homebrewing soon
Mostly because it's a passive hobby.
You do your main work on like one day
And then you let it sit for some time
Ferment
Check on it once a day or so
But mostly you just let it be.
And with a schedule like mine,
being able to have a fresh batch of homemade booze
at the end of the week would just be awesome.
My point is, there is no discussion in that.
I want to learn more about homebrewing so I will.
I've been drinking since I was a wee little lad
And I will continue to drink until I'm a bitter old man
(I mean an actual 70 year old bitter man, not the crotchety s.o.b. you currently know so well)
It seems like a very natural transition to me
I've had so many, now I want to know how it's done
So I can create my own masterpiece.

To be fair though, I'm not really that good at creating
I just love to experiment
At least, with booze anyway

Again, the point is
This is something I consider to be fact.
It's non-negotiable
It will happen.

Other things in my life however are not that concrete to me
For some reason people fail to understand this.
If I knew what it was I was supposed to be doing
I wouldn't be asking you about it
If I had a concrete anything, you'd better believe I'd figure out how to make it work.
But I don't.

I don't have a plan.
I don't know what's next.
I don't even have a hint, a clue, nothing really.

I live believing there are infinite possibilities
As long as those possibilities exist
There's never a definitive answer
And if there's no definitive answer
Then to me, it's not the right choice.

Again, what i said before, the homebrewing hobby
There are no other possibilities to me.
I may be stalled for some time for whatever reason
But at some point in time, I will complete this task.
It is something that I aim to do.

If that makes sense, great
If it doesn't...well, I'll never get it to make sense.
The closest thing I can say is this:
Life comes at me
Yes, I sit back and I wait for things to happen
Because that is how life happens to me

I live by this quotation:
"My Job:
It's not my place to run the train, the whistle I can't blow.
It's not my place to say how far the train's allowed to go.
It's not my place to shoot off steam, nor even clang the bell.
But let the damn thing jump the track...and see who catches hell"

The only thing I'm absolutely certain of in this life is that shit goes awry.
If I take risk, it was predetermined
If I am fortunate, it was foreseeable
If I want to truly understand something, I have to wait and see.